Out of the 200s Forever!

I stepped on the scale like I do every morning to find I have reached one of my goals of being in the 100s again. I have not seen this number since fall of 2010. I have lived the last 8 years in the 200s. Yo yoing from 205 to 250 to my highest at 286. Today I am down 87 pounds and I have no intention of stopping. I feel so proud and so shocked that this happened in like 6 1/2 months time. If you had asked me in January would I ever see this number again I would say hell no lol I would say nope, I am meant to be fat and you can’t take my carbs away. I would make fun of people who would go to awesome restaurants and order salads (now I am that person). I talked like I had given up and given in to being miserable. But deep down I knew I would die young and never have another baby, which I want so badly, if I kept going down the path I was on. Deep down I knew I needed to try at least one more time. That’s where my doctor came in and he helped me get my life back. I am beyond grateful for him and to God for bringing him into our lives. My husband is going to start going to him in a few months. He has lost around 60 pounds but now he is just building up.  I’m excited to see what he says for him to do. This picture was taken last weekend at my friends wedding. This dress was a size 12! I tried it because they didn’t have a 14 so I was very sure it would not fit. However it fit perfectly and I cried in the dressing room. I was like is this my life right now? Its been shocking going clothes shopping honestly lol I kept going to the plus size sections and have to pull myself away. I forget I’m not those sizes anymore. I have struggled so much over the years and had so much depression, this weight loss has really lifted so much off me mentally as well as physically. I will continue my journey no matter what. I still have my moments but I snap out of it. I have my cheats but go back to my way of eating quickly. My life has changed so much this year and will continue to change. Here’s to my next 3 pounds off so I can hit 90. My goal weight is around 150/160 pounds. I cant believe it is so close. Anything is possible. Even if you have failed 100x, 101 can be it for you. Never give up. Never settle for less. I’m so glad I didn’t. God bless!

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80 Pounds and Doctor Checkup

Omg I actually hit 80 pounds down in 6 months last week! I am almost out of the 200s. I haven’t been under that since 2010 when I got married! I am 6 pounds away!! When I started this journey I never thought this would actually happen. I had tried everything and always ended up giving up or giving into the food addiction I had. I have busted my ass and I am super proud of myself! Like I have said before there is no way I would have been able to do this journey without support and encouragement. I have so many people rooting for me and so excited that I am getting healthy. My hubby is my rock and I seriously love him so much. He helped save my life. He has helped me through so much and was firm with me when I wanted to give up. I am blessed and so thankful he has never given up on me. I would not be here without him.

So I saw my holistic doctor last Tuesday after not seeing him for 4 months. I was super nervous but excited to him. I had been more relaxed with eating this summer, allowing myself organic chips or Justine’s peanut butter cups every so often ever since the tragedy back in June with my husbands family. I just was like you know what life is too damn short, and if I want some chips then Ill have some chips. But I still pretty much lived a gluten free, dairy free diet. I continued to loose weight every week so I continued to allow the cheats a few times a week. So the last time I had seen him I was 35 pounds down and my insulin number was 14 (should be btw 5 and 10 I believe) and my liver enzymes were elevated. I was told I had fatty liver. When I first saw him my insulin number was 39 and he said I got the award for the highest he has ever worked with. When he went over my blood work Tuesday my number was 7! Which means my pancreas is working normally and I am no longer insulin resistant. My liver enzymes were normal which means no more fatty liver. My  sugar was 93 which was over 101 when I started. My D3 was 46, which was below 20 when I started. All of my numbers were normal! I was in shock really. I started to tear up because I knew how hard I had worked and how much I prayed. On vacations, dinners, parties, weddings, and just life in general I rarely strayed from my diet. It was so challenging doing this in the summer but I did it. I had no ice cream cones, no burgers or hot dogs, no ziti and the list goes on. I brought my food everywhere with me. The doctor was so proud of me! He knew how hard I had been working. He is now allowing me to try to add stuff back in my diet. I am allowed to have beef again omg! I made steak the other night it was beyond sexual!!! But I noticed the next day I was bloated and gassy. Also the scale never moves for me when I eat beef so I know not to expect to loose anything the next day. Its amazing how your body will tell you what it likes and what it doesn’t. But I always felt like crap before so I didn’t know what I could handle and what I couldn’t. I just ate whatever I wanted. So now I will definitely limit my beef intake to once or twice a month. I can try oats and quinoa if I like. I need to continue on a mostly gluten free diet which I am ok with. I can have limited dairy if I want. I have been eating only goat cheese and Ill stay with goat products for the most part. I have given up milk sadly. I love coconut milk and I will stick with that. I have even switched my daughter to it. I continued to food prep every week, living off of Pintrest. I have so many delicious recipes omg. I don’t think I could have survived without Pintrest. Things have been going really well! Next month we are going to officially try to get pregnant. I have to go to a GI doctor next week to see if I have an ulcer so I have to wait a bit more. Praying that they find nothing. My doctor also wants me to do this heavy metals test in the next few weeks. So once I pick up the kit I will do this 2 day urine test and then get the results about a month later. My mom did it a few months back and she found out she had so much lead and mercury in her body it was crazy. He put her on this cellular detox and she feels so much better. She retests in a month I believe to see where her levels are at.  Because it passes to your children, he said I should take it to be safe and then if I have high levels I need to do the detox as well. So if they are extremely high I may have to put off trying to get pregnant that way I don’t pass it to the baby. So just going to pray I have normal levels.

I have started to plateau a bit and become slower in losing weight which is hard to adjust to. I am used to 10 a month now. But the doctor said I can start to exercise and do light weights. I am going to look into a gym near my house this weekend. I think with Lilly starting preschool next week, it will give me time for the gym. With the holidays coming up, I would like another 20 at least off by the end of the year. Get to my 100 pound goal. If I lose more great but since I’m slowing down I think that is realistic for now.  I’m so excited for the holidays and to come up with healthier options to the dishes we love. My mom and I are already talking about what we can do. I can bake anything gluten free so I’m not worried about desserts! But I just look at my way of thinking and how it has drastically changed. I never thought this would be my life. I never thought I would be one of those people. But I have changed and I love it. I love feeling this way. I love looking this way. I love being a food snob. This is life now and I will never go back. I recognize my triggers and try my best to stay away. Doesn’t mean I don’t slip up or that I will never binge again but it means I recognize it and can control it. I am so thankful for this doctor and pray for him often. He is a fantastic person to want to help others change their lives. He saved my life and I know God brought him to me and my family. I hope I can encourage and inspire others to do the same. You can do it. You only have to choose. I chose to have enough. I didn’t want diabetes or to die young. I wanted another baby. To be around for my family. Its a hard road but the results are so worth it. Ill let everyone know about the GI results and we will go from there. God bless.

 

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Oh Snap..70 Gone!

I seriously cant believe this. I hit my pre pregnancy weight and 71 pounds gone this morning. I don’t even understand how this happened lol I am seriously in so much shock. How the hell in 5 months did this happen? Has being dairy and gluten free really been the reason for all this weight loss? I feel like Ive had weight loss surgery lol I’m sure some people think I did honestly with how quickly I have been losing weight. I average about 10 pounds a month. That is insane to say out loud. That is a lot of freaking weight! Its crazy to think by the holidays I should be to goal if I’m not pregnant by then. I cant wait to see the doctor next month. I’m going to get my blood done in a few weeks and then see him on the 21st. I’m a little nervous about the blood work because I have definitely been more relax and eating a few processed things since everything happened last month. Its been difficult to be so disciplined. I just hope my blood sugar and insulin number are good.

Just wanted to check in and let everyone know I’m still going strong! Heres to the next 10 pounds and maybe next blog I can share that I will be pregnant! Hope everyone has a blessed day!

60 Pounds Gone

So June 19th marks 4 months on this journey. I can’t believe how fast its really gone. I feel so good and I am kinda in shock with the scale. I haven’t seen these numbers in a few years. Its encouraging to me. I stepped on the scale today and was exactly 60 pounds down. I just stared at the scale and stepped off and stepped back on to make sure it was real. I have another scale and stepped on that to make sure my scale was accurate lol It was. I came out of the bathroom and ran to my husband to tell him. He is so proud and happy of the progress Ive been making. Especially since this month has been particularly hard on us.

We started to go on vacation on June 2nd. Making our way down south. We got a call 4 days in at 5 am that my husbands sister and brother in law were killed in a car accident. We were numb and in shock. We made our way back to NY, a 10 hour drive to be with his family. It has been a hard 2 weeks. We did end up going back down to SC to meet my parents for a few days so we didn’t sit home and dwell on what we can’t change. It was mainly for our daughter to have fun. And she did so much! God gave my hunny a beautiful purple sunset the first night there as he walked on the beach; purple was her color. I believe that was strictly for him and to show him she is at peace with him. It helped him I think. We did try to have fun and ultimately we are glad we went. We knew what we were going back to, the service and the funeral.

I am an emotional eater and of course the first thing that I wanted was junk food to suppress the hurt and sadness of our family passing away. They leave behind a 14 year old son. My heart breaks for him. Thank God he is so loved and has so much support during this time. Just going to be a hard road. Time and God will get all of us through. We don’t understand these types of situations but I know they are with Jesus in Heaven. Lots of tears and prayer. We woke up a bit from this tragedy. I want to live my life the best I can and to the fullest. Not to waste time. We don’t know when our last days are. Live, laugh, and love always.

I did allow myself to go off a bit and eat some chocolate, chips, and some southern dishes. I did have 2 sandwiches over the course of a few days at the condo with my parents with gluten free bread. The first bite of cheese was beyond sexual I told my mother not to talk to me until I was finished lol The most amazing part though is out of all the treats is that my body had no real reaction. I didn’t get sick or feel badly. I had some bloating but that’s it. It was crazy. If this was me a few moths ago I would have been living in the bathroom at least 4x a weeks with horrible stomach cramps and diarrhea no matter what I was eating. My gut is healing! It’s really amazing to see and feel! I have had no diarrhea this entire time. I just cant believe how good I feel and even though I had a couple of cheats here and there, I had no reaction. I tried shrimp and grits, sandwiches, brisket, cornbread, and a roll with butter to name a few from our short vacation. Omg the shrimp and grits!!!!! I allowed myself 1 shrimp and a couple tastes of the grits. It was so good. I would go back down south every year just to eat them lol I did continue my smoothies everyday and had salads most of the time. I gained .6 out of the whole experience. Not bad at all! I gave into more then I wanted to because of the circumstances. I was losing weight in the beginning of the trip and was exercising a bunch. But that call shut me down for 2 weeks and that’s ok. I needed that. As soon as the wake was over, my hubby and I went right back on our programs.

I lost 4 pounds this week and hit my 60 pound goal. I am so happy he pushed me because I was struggling. It didn’t help at all that I have been PMSing the last week and wanting all the chocolate and all the salty things. I wanted pizza and a deli sandwich and all these foods, promising I would get back on tomorrow. Promises I had said a 100x before and never following through. He told me NO. He stood up to me for the first time in our relationship when it comes to food! I was mad at first and we argued a bit but after I thought about it, I was so proud of him and saw that he had really changed. He loves the way he feels and wants us to live as long and healthy as possible. He wants and knows I can hit my goal. He knows that tragedies make me spiral. He saw it 2 years ago around the same time with the loss of my grandma and my dog. He recognized the pattern. Even when I don’t see it. I thank him so much. I could have wrecked all my hard work in a matter of weeks. When it comes down to it, its always a choice you have. Its always a day by day process and a struggle but you need strong support by your side. I wasn’t strong enough the other day and he was. He got me through. I love him so much for that.

So onward I go. I am basically half way to my goal weight of 150. I can’t believe it really. Hopefully in August I get pregnant with my second child. I’m doing about 10 pounds a month so I should be 80 when I go back to the doctor. Im excited to see my blood work and ultrasounds results. I know I was healed from gallstones and fatty liver disease so that will be part of my testimony to the doctor. I continue to walk in my journey of weight loss and spirituality one day at a time. God Bless you all.

Hit My 50 Pound Mark!

So looking at the scale this morning I was in shock. How in 13 weeks I lost 50 pounds? Mind you without exercising. I mean I don’t think I was mentally prepared to say “yeah, I lost 50 pounds”. I knew the number was getting closer but when it actually happened I was like wow! I haven’t seen this number on the scale in about 2 years. I am so proud of myself. I definitely could not have done this without my hubby’s support and dedication. I am so blessed and thankful for him. Still would like to lose another 80 pounds but I’m on my way!

The last 3 weeks have been super busy considering hubby was finishing up school, work, Mothers Day and we went away to Cape Cod for the weekend. We took Lilly to Thomas the Train land. My husband and I hate Thomas omg lol We were dreading it but we knew she would love it. Oh the things we do for our kids lol But it was super fun seeing how happy she was and her glowing face. We stayed on our diets there which was the first real test. I had salads for dinner and I found a organic smoothie/juicing shop near by. I was shocked when I asked my daughter if she wanted a smoothie or pancakes for breakfast and her reply was “oh I want my own smoothie please”. Chris and I were so proud of her and us, that our habits are rubbing off on her. She has always been a way better eater then both of us but still her love for pancakes runs deep. We did end up getting her pancakes for lunch at our favorite spot in Yarmouth. I did get gluten free pancakes myself but only ate one. Really my first big cheat. You do have to reward yourself sometimes. The difference was I ate until I was satisfied. I didn’t clear the plate and have  multiple side dishes. I ate one pancake and some ham steak. No butter or syrup. I was really proud that I stopped myself. I was rewarded when I was able to fit into a pair of pants that haven’t seen the light of day in 2 years. That was exciting! Also I have dropped 2/3 sizes in shirts depending on the brand and 2 sizes in pants. I went shopping for clothes for our upcoming June vacation and I pulled a bunch of XL shirts and was shocked they were too big! Some were too small or fit but there were some where I was swimming in them. I couldn’t believe I bought some large shirts again. And this was JC Penny not a plus size store! Its been a long time. A good feeling.

As far as my gallbladder pain, it has been so much better. If I do get a twinge of pain or discomfort I pray immediately and it goes. I just keep believing for healing and that the stones dissolve.  I really do not want to have surgery. God can do anything. This whole process is faith and trust building. I’m excited to see what this summer holds and how much weight I could have off by the end of it. I will be down south in a few weeks so I know I’m having some BBQ and grits, but the majority of the time I will be on track. Hoping I can lose at least 5 pounds during vacation. Going to do lots of walking and swimming. For the first time in a long time, I am actually excited for summer. Here’s to anyone struggling, you can do it. Have faith in yourself and if you are spiritual have faith in God. I didn’t think this would be my life 13 weeks ago. I have struggled for years with food addiction. Its getting broken day by day. So God bless and be encouraged!

10 Weeks Today and Ultrasound Results

Hey everyone! So I have hit my 10 week mark this morning! Down 41 pounds!!! That is so much weight, my God. That is more then my daughter weighs! Super happy that I have come so far. I have definitely had hard times but between God, family and friends I have stayed on track. I really enjoy blogging my journey and hope to encourage anyone struggling. This last week has been a bit difficult for me because I started to get a very intense pain in the center of my stomach and it would radiate through to my back. I would get nauseous and didn’t want to eat too much. I had 4 incidents essentially in a week. I of course Web MDed my symptoms. I diagnosed myself with gallbladder attacks. Never having this before I was so scared! But it made perfect sense because I am obese, lost a large amount of weight quickly, and it runs in my family (dad). Not only is it really painful during the attacks but you get petrified to eat anything to aggravate it, so I ate very little for a couple of days. I was so upset that I was going to ruin all the progress I just made with my blood sugar.

So I went Friday for my ultrasound to see if I had a fatty liver. As I was getting it, the ultrasound technician said you know you have gallstones right? That was just confirmation from what I had looked up online. I asked well what can I do to get rid of them and she said I had to talk to my doctor. Making me more nervous. Thanks so much for your help lol She did see a bit of fat on my liver as well so that was a bummer of a morning. I figured I would talk to my doctor by Monday when he called with the results. But come Saturday morning after my coconut smoothie I had such uncomfortable pain, I ended up calling him on his cell to see what I could eat and do. I was getting attacks now every time I ate. He said no meats or oil, no coconut milk etc. I was like um I cant eat this way long term lol He did say if I developed a fever at any time, I had to go to the ER immediately and probably have to remove it. Being 32 and loving food as much as I do, there is no way I want my gallbladder out. I remember my dad had his out in his late 30s and how he had to adjust his diet for quite some time with fats. He would instantly get sick if he had too much of something fatty. I do not want to live that way! I also just don’t want surgery. It terrifies me. I don’t know if its because I watch too much Greys Anatomy or what but I’m like nope. So what is the answer here? Do I basically live vegan, which I can not do. Or do I have it removed? Which I do not want. Or do I pray and trust God that he can heal me? I chose to pray and get prayed for at my church yesterday morning.

God has healed me before and many people I know. I know some people don’t believe and that’s fine. Everyone has an opinion and view on religion. I’m not hear to preach to anyone. Just here to share my experience and this is an unexpected part of my journey. But I got healed yesterday! I know I did. I haven’t had any pain in over 24 hours. I have eaten some chips, macadamia nuts, coconut smoothie, and chicken soup. Nothing. Not one twinge or spasm. I keep walking in my faith for this. I know it will try to come back and I will rebuke it immediately. God knows my love for food. I’m Italian first off lol How could I only have a bite or 2 or something fatty for the rest of my life? Yeah…Not happening! I try to go to God first before I go to any extreme with the doctor. I know there are certain cases where you need a doctor immediately and you would stupid not to go. But this felt like I could press through. Maybe a faith building experience for me. I know I have been slacking reading the Bible and drawing close to him. Maybe this is a wake up call that I needed. Fear is a terrible thing and the devil certainly tries to take hold of you when you go through something scary. All the what ifs and doubts. But God is always faithful. I’m beyond grateful that he has healed me! Something else I can add to my testimony. Now I can continue my journey and draw closer to him. I don’t see my doctor until August so I’m just going to follow what he says until then. Ill be getting my blood work done again before I see him. So prayers for no more fatty liver and that I have the green light to get pregnant! I do have a Southern vacation coming up and I already found gluten free restaurants and smoothie places so that I will continue my diet while there. I will be having a southern biscuit and grits. You have to treat yourself a bit and I will reward my hopefully 50 pound weight loss come June 1st. Hope this inspired you to never give up and to trust God in everything. Be blessed!

8 Week Checkup with my Doctor

So I have been on this journey for almost 9 weeks. I have had no eggs, gluten (grains), or dairy. These items were my life 8 weeks ago. It wasn’t unusual for me to eat 4 slices of pizza, 3 mozzarella sticks, 20 oz of orange soda, and a bag of cookies for dinner. I reached my highest at 286.8 pounds and had no intention of letting go of my food but deep down I knew I needed to change. I became so depressed and believed I was destined to be fat forever. I would try to convince myself of this. But I knew if I continued this way I may not make it to 40. I definitely wouldn’t be having another baby which I have desperately wanted. All my friends around me are having babies, which I’m so happy for them and I love them dearly but I have been so jealous and envious of them. Why didn’t they struggle the way I did? What was wrong with me? Some of them having gone through what I had. I didn’t understand my addiction to food. Like why did I need to eat a bag of cookies instead of taking 2 or 3. Why did I have to have 4 slices of pizza and not just 2? It made no sense to me. Sometimes I wouldn’t even taste the food going in my mouth. I would just shovel it in to have the satisfaction of eating it. If I had junk in the house or I made ziti or something, I would have to eat it all day long. It would call to me, even if I was full. Didn’t matter I needed to eat as much as I could. My excuse would be “oh I need to get this out of the house quickly”. What a stupid thing to say lol I should have just not bought the items or made the fatty dishes. But I have made such progress and have gained such knowledge from this doctor that I will never go back to that way of living again. He is the most real and positive doctor ever. He doesn’t judge or bite your head off or rush you out the door. He really cares and really tries to teach you about the food industry. I honestly believe God sent him for me! Because of my mom and my progress, friends and family are now wanting to go to him and change their way of eating. I’m so happy for them. Of course he can only do so much for you. You have to do the work and listen to what he says. So my progress…

So I did everything he told me to do except drinking celery juice because its horrible lol But he is still telling to do that so I’m going to have to suck it up and do it. So when I first saw him he did my blood work and a food allergy test. It came back my blood sugar was a 100, my D3 and B12 were dangerously low, my insulin number was 39, urine had protein and a whole bunch of stuff in it, high intolerances to dairy, eggs, and gluten, and many other things but these tests being the most concerning. So after he tells me to go on a eating every 2 to 3 hour diet without gluten, eggs, or dairy and meat only 1x a day. Start taking couple supplements daily, filling up the rest of the day with fruits, nuts, and veggies. Wow it was a major shock to my body. It was very hard the first month! I was counting the days until I saw him again for a hope I would be cured and cheese could come back into my life. But as time went on, the better I started to feel. My skin cleared up and is so smooth. My back problems went away. My dizzy spells started diminishing. My hands and feet stopped being tingly or going numb. My snoring got better, thank God. No stomach problems at all or heartburn or reflux. My ears and scalp stopped itching. Overall emotional issues and cloudiness went away. I feel have had much more patience for things. I stopped dwelling on if I could have cheese or the old foods again. Yeah I still miss cheese but I can and do live without it fine. I don’t want to feel gross again. I think even when he green lights me to eat the things I used to, I will only have them on occasion. I just overall feel like my old self again. I have been trapped in a cycle of depression and shame for a long time. Its been so freeing.

On Friday I went to get my second round of blood tests results from the doctor. At 6 weeks into the diet he wanted to check my insulin levels, urine, and a regular blood panel to see if I was moving in the right direction. I was so scared and anxious to see if what I had been doing was working. Had I done too much damage for it to be corrected? And of course all the lies come in at points of your journey and tell you its a waste of time, life is too short, you should have the cake, fat is happy. But I remained hopeful because I had made so much progress in my weight (35 down) and symptoms were starting to disappear. My insulin number went from 39 to 14 in 6 weeks. My D3 and B12 were much higher and my glucose was 94. He was so proud of me he actually shook my hand and told me congratulations! It was a wonderful feeling and all my hard work had paid off. The only negative was my liver enzymes were higher so he wants me to get an ultrasound and see if I have a fatty liver. If I do he said it could be corrected in a matter of months. He gave me a supplement to add in my diet for my liver and he tweaked my program. No more red meat wahhhhh. I love beef!!! But I know this isn’t forever. Its just for a time and to heal my body. He did tell me if I continued to eat the way I was, he said by 34 I would have had diabetes and been on medication. That was scary to hear. But it doesn’t matter anymore because I am not there and I am certainly never going back. So that is my progress so far. Ultrasound hopefully next week and then we go from there. Just going to pray everything is normal and I don’t have a fatty liver. Ill keep you all posted! Everyone be blessed!

8 Weeks and Counting

So as I was starting to get involved in blogging, my computer decided to crap out. I didn’t want to use my phone because I feel with the auto correct it would have taken hours! And as a mom of a 3 year old, I don’t have time for that lol But for those following my weight loss journey, I have been on it for 8 weeks as of yesterday! I have not cheated other then my cousins wedding and had literally 4 bites of these sexual garlic cheddar mashed potatoes! No regrets on that!! I’m really proud of myself. I had a small victory a couple of weeks ago that my engagement ring fits me again! I cried. I have not been able to wear it in almost a year. I also went down a size in pants and shirts. This is the longest Ive stuck to something. I see the doctor Friday for my second round of blood work. So since its been forever since I wrote I will catch everyone up to speed on my progress.

So my doctor has put me on a dairy and grain free program. Something I would have never considered in the past. Ive done a 10 day detox before without gluten and dairy but never more then that. My excuses would have been “don’t you know I’m Italian” or “I’m happy being fat if I can have my pasta and cheese”. However the truth was I just didn’t want to give up the food and do the work. I wasn’t truly happy with myself after eating 2 bowls of pasta covered in Pecorino and mozzarella but I continued trying to convince myself and others around me. So the first few weeks on this program were really rough. I’m not one to eat fruits or veggies much so to have to eat salad and juice fruit for breakfast every morning has been a challenge. But the results didn’t lie! I lost like 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I pretty much drop everyday even if its .1. Its amazing! I have been taking my supplements everyday as well and I feel that has helped my mindset and mood tremendously! I don’t feel so on edge and ready to bite someones head off. I have more patience and I just overall feel happier. Most of my symptoms have gone or have been minimal. I rarely get numbness in my hands and feet, headaches are better, my skin is soft and cleared up, I have had no diarrhea or stomach issues, no heartburn or reflux, my joints don’t ache, my back doesn’t spasm, and my period came on time for the first time in 2 years. My body is starting to heal it self and the food I am eating is giving my body what it needs. I am not just filling my body with crap, like it actually is working how it is meant to. Every morning I start my day with lemon water, which I hated 2 months ago but now I look forward to it each morning. I will also add I got a mild cold from my daughter a few weeks ago and in the past a simple cold would have knocked me on my ass for 2 weeks to fully recover. This cold never became full blown and it lasted about a week. I did the elderberry syrup and liquid c, and I felt better much quicker. It was amazing. I have also been around sick people and didn’t get anything which was amazing. Every time I came in contact with a sick person I would get it a few days later. So my immune system is stronger from eating this way and having the ability to fight off bacteria easier. I just can not believe how much things have changed in 8 weeks.

I will say I could not be this successful without my support system. My husband has been doing this with me and has been constant encouragement. When I have wanted to give up and inhale a bag of chips and dip, he helped me through. I would have not been this strong without him. It is so important if you have a partner and you are trying to lose weight, that they do it with you. I personally feel its close to impossible to do this on your own and your partner continues to eat the things your not supposed to in front of you. Ive seen it happen to my family and friends. They may do it for a time but in the end the food consumes them. If your partner does not try to help you and refuses to change, they are selfish and you should reevaluate your relationship with them. Love means you sacrifice and support each other even if its not exactly what you want to do. If it means your partner with live longer and be happier, then you should want that for them. My husband and I were just talking about this last night because someone we know has a lot of sicknesses and she was trying to do Keto. She was so strict and doing great but her husband refused to do it with her. Bringing home junk and takeout, it was only a matter of time. She is no longer doing Keto now. Its frustrating to watch. So I am just so thankful my hubby cares enough for my health and life to sacrifice his own happiness for awhile. He is loving it and getting into a workout routine every night. He looks great and is down 25 pounds. I’m so proud of him and love him so much.

Its just amazing how much food effects your body and your mind. I am down 34 pounds as of today! My first big goal is to lose 50 pounds come June. I am trying my best! Hubby and I want to start trying for baby number 2 this summer so that will be fun! I had a wonderful pregnancy with my daughter and only gained 32 pounds. But this time, I am going to do everything differently. I will continue whatever the doctor says and I would like to be more active then I was with Lilly. I will let everyone know how Friday goes and what the doctor says. I’m sure he is going to change up my diet a bit. I am hoping I can incorporate cheese back into my life. I have been dying for it lol Cheese and I are in a relationship so I feel the last few weeks we have been separated lol I didn’t think I could get through 8 weeks and here I am. I can’t wait to see what another 8 weeks will do. Be blessed!!

Emotional Eating and Day 4!

I come from an Italian family so food is life, death, happy, sad, and every other emotion you can think of. I grew up with this notion of food being tied to emotions. However I was skinny until I hit 8th grade. That’s where some of my habits became lifestyle choices. I had a happy childhood being an only child and having the best parents ever. But like so many people, somewhere down the line bad stuff happens. The abuse started at 10 for me. My best friend’s father, who was like my second dad. It went on for years. I was petrified to say anything to anyone. I didn’t believe what was happening to me. I still remember the first time like it was yesterday. I remember my feelings. I remember part of me died that day and my innocence was taken. I would never be the same again. Middle school I acted out, dabbled in drugs, alcohol, and had no tolerance for authority. My parents had no idea what was going on. I grew up in church and my parents are very spiritual. They prayed for me a lot. I was so angry at God for letting this happen to me. I completely shut him out. I could do it on my own. I didn’t need anyone. But I did need him and I did need the people who loved me. But I chose to do it in my own strength and chose food over everything. This has been this way for the last 19 years; now over a 100 pounds I need to lose.

I got the counseling I needed to forgive him and not be so angry anymore. I came to realize God had nothing to do with the abuse. Everyone has a free will and the man chose to do wrong to me. He will answer to it some day. Life is unfortunately unfair and bad things happen to good people. We are so quick to blame God when all he does love us. There are things we just won’t understand in this life. Even with all of this I have not overcome this emotional eating which means a piece of that man wins every time I binge. Why do I let him win after all this time? It needs to stop now.

I have had a man by my side for almost 18 years that is my soulmate and has never given up on me. I have a better relationship with Jesus but it needs work on my part. I have a beautiful, funny 3 year old who is my life. I have wonderful parents and friends who support and love me through it all. So why can’t I let this food addiction go? Why can’t I give up my control to God and allow him to help me? Why do I want to stay fat so men can’t hit on me? The answer is I’m scared!!! This emotional eating is all I know. This is what makes me feel better, at least that’s what I tell myself. It makes me feel better for 5 mins and then the self hatred comes. The shame, guilt, and disgust comes knocking at the door. It’s a vicious cycle. I have had moments in the last 19 years where I lose a bunch of weight and then something happens and I gain it all plus some back. Then the weight just gets higher and higher. My wedding day was motivation for me. I looked and felt great! Lightest I was in years at 175! It didn’t take long for me to gain 20 pounds and neglect the gym that I was religiously going to.  I couldn’t find a job and finances were tight so I kept eating. Gained 50 pounds super quick. I stayed around the 220 range for awhile. I would lose 20 or 30 pounds from time to time and gain it all and more back. It slowly started going over that number that you say you will never go over. In one of those times losing 30 pounds I got pregnant with my daughter when I was around 215. I had a wonderful pregnancy and only gained 30 pounds. I was proud of myself. Excited to breast feed because I heard and seen so many people loose so much weight. But I had a c section because she was breached, throw in a bit of postpartum depression, my husband having to work 80 hours a week, and feeling ravenous after breastfeeding all day long took its toll. I dropped almost the 30 pounds within 4 days of having her but then gained almost 60 pounds in a matter of months. This is the heaviest I have ever been. The most miserable and most depressed. I felt like there was no hope for me. I felt like it was the end and I was doomed to be fat for the rest of my life.

I would watch my 600 Pound Life and be like yup I’m almost half way there. There I am. My destiny. I’ll just continue to eat all the carbs and all the sugary processed crap and tell myself how happy I am. But as my joints get stiffer and stiffer, me getting IBS, constant heartburn, dizzy spells, tingling feet and hands, and not having a normal period I was getting fed up. At 31 this should not be my life. I want another baby and the way I am going ensures Lilly will be the only one I have. The addiction has to end. I believe it was God who intervened for my mom and I. I believe he put this doctor in our path to help us. Give us the tools to save our lives. I believe this time is different. For one it’s costing me a lot of money to go to the doctor since he doesn’t take insurance so I better get something out of it lol. But in all honesty I feel like this time is it. I will get to goal. I will get pregnant with my second child. I will break this food addiction and emotional eating that has haunted me for years. This time I am doing it with God and the help of this doctor. It’s time to move forward in my life, change my way of tying food with emotions, and leave the past behind me. I have so many things to be thankful for. So here am I on day 4 of my lifestyle change and I am down 8 pounds! I have had no heartburn or re flux, no itchy ears, no stomach problems..no anything! I feel great! I am starting to have more energy and feel better about myself. I’m excited to see what a month will do. What will 4 months look like? I want to be the weight I was when I got married or a bit lower. That is my goal. We will have to see but I know I will have God and my loved ones supporting me every step of the way!

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Day 1 Down!

After an agonizing day of fruits and veggies and no pizza or cookies, I did it. Day one down! I m proud of myself. I am a person who despises healthy food and will choose pasta with cream sauce at a restaurant and always have room for a giant dessert that I refuse to share. I always choose cookies over the apple slices. I always binge a bag of chips or box of cheese its while watching Grey’s Anatomy and TWD. This is what I have known for years. Lying to myself that I’m in control. Watching my weight gain creep up on me. Having my depression get worse and worse. But I’m happy right? I got my carbs!!! Wrong! Food will not ever make you happy! It is a vicious cycle! Correction that was me. I am breaking the cycle now!

I started my new lifestyle journey yesterday. I succeeded! Everyday I finish without a carb or sugar is a victory for me. It rings in my ears that this is the 100th time I have tried a “diet” and failed every time. I feel I know its going to be challenging and I know there will be days I want to give up and inhale a cheesecake, but I cant. I need to be here for the people I love. I need to be the best mother I can be. And lets face it, I’m not being the best mother I can be right now. Its a hard truth to admit to myself because I love my daughter more then anything. But I’m killing myself by eating the way I have been. I’m on the track to have diabetes. Thats what my doctor said and my blood sugar numbers don’t lie. Its time. I don’t want my daughter living like this and thinking this way of eating is acceptable. So one day down is my victory.

I’m down 4 pounds as of this morning! Anyone who is reading this…Don’t Give Up! Even if you attempted 100 times, 101 can be your victory!