8 Week Checkup with my Doctor

So I have been on this journey for almost 9 weeks. I have had no eggs, gluten (grains), or dairy. These items were my life 8 weeks ago. It wasn’t unusual for me to eat 4 slices of pizza, 3 mozzarella sticks, 20 oz of orange soda, and a bag of cookies for dinner. I reached my highest at 286.8 pounds and had no intention of letting go of my food but deep down I knew I needed to change. I became so depressed and believed I was destined to be fat forever. I would try to convince myself of this. But I knew if I continued this way I may not make it to 40. I definitely wouldn’t be having another baby which I have desperately wanted. All my friends around me are having babies, which I’m so happy for them and I love them dearly but I have been so jealous and envious of them. Why didn’t they struggle the way I did? What was wrong with me? Some of them having gone through what I had. I didn’t understand my addiction to food. Like why did I need to eat a bag of cookies instead of taking 2 or 3. Why did I have to have 4 slices of pizza and not just 2? It made no sense to me. Sometimes I wouldn’t even taste the food going in my mouth. I would just shovel it in to have the satisfaction of eating it. If I had junk in the house or I made ziti or something, I would have to eat it all day long. It would call to me, even if I was full. Didn’t matter I needed to eat as much as I could. My excuse would be “oh I need to get this out of the house quickly”. What a stupid thing to say lol I should have just not bought the items or made the fatty dishes. But I have made such progress and have gained such knowledge from this doctor that I will never go back to that way of living again. He is the most real and positive doctor ever. He doesn’t judge or bite your head off or rush you out the door. He really cares and really tries to teach you about the food industry. I honestly believe God sent him for me! Because of my mom and my progress, friends and family are now wanting to go to him and change their way of eating. I’m so happy for them. Of course he can only do so much for you. You have to do the work and listen to what he says. So my progress…

So I did everything he told me to do except drinking celery juice because its horrible lol But he is still telling to do that so I’m going to have to suck it up and do it. So when I first saw him he did my blood work and a food allergy test. It came back my blood sugar was a 100, my D3 and B12 were dangerously low, my insulin number was 39, urine had protein and a whole bunch of stuff in it, high intolerances to dairy, eggs, and gluten, and many other things but these tests being the most concerning. So after he tells me to go on a eating every 2 to 3 hour diet without gluten, eggs, or dairy and meat only 1x a day. Start taking couple supplements daily, filling up the rest of the day with fruits, nuts, and veggies. Wow it was a major shock to my body. It was very hard the first month! I was counting the days until I saw him again for a hope I would be cured and cheese could come back into my life. But as time went on, the better I started to feel. My skin cleared up and is so smooth. My back problems went away. My dizzy spells started diminishing. My hands and feet stopped being tingly or going numb. My snoring got better, thank God. No stomach problems at all or heartburn or reflux. My ears and scalp stopped itching. Overall emotional issues and cloudiness went away. I feel have had much more patience for things. I stopped dwelling on if I could have cheese or the old foods again. Yeah I still miss cheese but I can and do live without it fine. I don’t want to feel gross again. I think even when he green lights me to eat the things I used to, I will only have them on occasion. I just overall feel like my old self again. I have been trapped in a cycle of depression and shame for a long time. Its been so freeing.

On Friday I went to get my second round of blood tests results from the doctor. At 6 weeks into the diet he wanted to check my insulin levels, urine, and a regular blood panel to see if I was moving in the right direction. I was so scared and anxious to see if what I had been doing was working. Had I done too much damage for it to be corrected? And of course all the lies come in at points of your journey and tell you its a waste of time, life is too short, you should have the cake, fat is happy. But I remained hopeful because I had made so much progress in my weight (35 down) and symptoms were starting to disappear. My insulin number went from 39 to 14 in 6 weeks. My D3 and B12 were much higher and my glucose was 94. He was so proud of me he actually shook my hand and told me congratulations! It was a wonderful feeling and all my hard work had paid off. The only negative was my liver enzymes were higher so he wants me to get an ultrasound and see if I have a fatty liver. If I do he said it could be corrected in a matter of months. He gave me a supplement to add in my diet for my liver and he tweaked my program. No more red meat wahhhhh. I love beef!!! But I know this isn’t forever. Its just for a time and to heal my body. He did tell me if I continued to eat the way I was, he said by 34 I would have had diabetes and been on medication. That was scary to hear. But it doesn’t matter anymore because I am not there and I am certainly never going back. So that is my progress so far. Ultrasound hopefully next week and then we go from there. Just going to pray everything is normal and I don’t have a fatty liver. Ill keep you all posted! Everyone be blessed!

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8 Weeks and Counting

So as I was starting to get involved in blogging, my computer decided to crap out. I didn’t want to use my phone because I feel with the auto correct it would have taken hours! And as a mom of a 3 year old, I don’t have time for that lol But for those following my weight loss journey, I have been on it for 8 weeks as of yesterday! I have not cheated other then my cousins wedding and had literally 4 bites of these sexual garlic cheddar mashed potatoes! No regrets on that!! I’m really proud of myself. I had a small victory a couple of weeks ago that my engagement ring fits me again! I cried. I have not been able to wear it in almost a year. I also went down a size in pants and shirts. This is the longest Ive stuck to something. I see the doctor Friday for my second round of blood work. So since its been forever since I wrote I will catch everyone up to speed on my progress.

So my doctor has put me on a dairy and grain free program. Something I would have never considered in the past. Ive done a 10 day detox before without gluten and dairy but never more then that. My excuses would have been “don’t you know I’m Italian” or “I’m happy being fat if I can have my pasta and cheese”. However the truth was I just didn’t want to give up the food and do the work. I wasn’t truly happy with myself after eating 2 bowls of pasta covered in Pecorino and mozzarella but I continued trying to convince myself and others around me. So the first few weeks on this program were really rough. I’m not one to eat fruits or veggies much so to have to eat salad and juice fruit for breakfast every morning has been a challenge. But the results didn’t lie! I lost like 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I pretty much drop everyday even if its .1. Its amazing! I have been taking my supplements everyday as well and I feel that has helped my mindset and mood tremendously! I don’t feel so on edge and ready to bite someones head off. I have more patience and I just overall feel happier. Most of my symptoms have gone or have been minimal. I rarely get numbness in my hands and feet, headaches are better, my skin is soft and cleared up, I have had no diarrhea or stomach issues, no heartburn or reflux, my joints don’t ache, my back doesn’t spasm, and my period came on time for the first time in 2 years. My body is starting to heal it self and the food I am eating is giving my body what it needs. I am not just filling my body with crap, like it actually is working how it is meant to. Every morning I start my day with lemon water, which I hated 2 months ago but now I look forward to it each morning. I will also add I got a mild cold from my daughter a few weeks ago and in the past a simple cold would have knocked me on my ass for 2 weeks to fully recover. This cold never became full blown and it lasted about a week. I did the elderberry syrup and liquid c, and I felt better much quicker. It was amazing. I have also been around sick people and didn’t get anything which was amazing. Every time I came in contact with a sick person I would get it a few days later. So my immune system is stronger from eating this way and having the ability to fight off bacteria easier. I just can not believe how much things have changed in 8 weeks.

I will say I could not be this successful without my support system. My husband has been doing this with me and has been constant encouragement. When I have wanted to give up and inhale a bag of chips and dip, he helped me through. I would have not been this strong without him. It is so important if you have a partner and you are trying to lose weight, that they do it with you. I personally feel its close to impossible to do this on your own and your partner continues to eat the things your not supposed to in front of you. Ive seen it happen to my family and friends. They may do it for a time but in the end the food consumes them. If your partner does not try to help you and refuses to change, they are selfish and you should reevaluate your relationship with them. Love means you sacrifice and support each other even if its not exactly what you want to do. If it means your partner with live longer and be happier, then you should want that for them. My husband and I were just talking about this last night because someone we know has a lot of sicknesses and she was trying to do Keto. She was so strict and doing great but her husband refused to do it with her. Bringing home junk and takeout, it was only a matter of time. She is no longer doing Keto now. Its frustrating to watch. So I am just so thankful my hubby cares enough for my health and life to sacrifice his own happiness for awhile. He is loving it and getting into a workout routine every night. He looks great and is down 25 pounds. I’m so proud of him and love him so much.

Its just amazing how much food effects your body and your mind. I am down 34 pounds as of today! My first big goal is to lose 50 pounds come June. I am trying my best! Hubby and I want to start trying for baby number 2 this summer so that will be fun! I had a wonderful pregnancy with my daughter and only gained 32 pounds. But this time, I am going to do everything differently. I will continue whatever the doctor says and I would like to be more active then I was with Lilly. I will let everyone know how Friday goes and what the doctor says. I’m sure he is going to change up my diet a bit. I am hoping I can incorporate cheese back into my life. I have been dying for it lol Cheese and I are in a relationship so I feel the last few weeks we have been separated lol I didn’t think I could get through 8 weeks and here I am. I can’t wait to see what another 8 weeks will do. Be blessed!!

Emotional Eating and Day 4!

I come from an Italian family so food is life, death, happy, sad, and every other emotion you can think of. I grew up with this notion of food being tied to emotions. However I was skinny until I hit 8th grade. That’s where some of my habits became lifestyle choices. I had a happy childhood being an only child and having the best parents ever. But like so many people, somewhere down the line bad stuff happens. The abuse started at 10 for me. My best friend’s father, who was like my second dad. It went on for years. I was petrified to say anything to anyone. I didn’t believe what was happening to me. I still remember the first time like it was yesterday. I remember my feelings. I remember part of me died that day and my innocence was taken. I would never be the same again. Middle school I acted out, dabbled in drugs, alcohol, and had no tolerance for authority. My parents had no idea what was going on. I grew up in church and my parents are very spiritual. They prayed for me a lot. I was so angry at God for letting this happen to me. I completely shut him out. I could do it on my own. I didn’t need anyone. But I did need him and I did need the people who loved me. But I chose to do it in my own strength and chose food over everything. This has been this way for the last 19 years; now over a 100 pounds I need to lose.

I got the counseling I needed to forgive him and not be so angry anymore. I came to realize God had nothing to do with the abuse. Everyone has a free will and the man chose to do wrong to me. He will answer to it some day. Life is unfortunately unfair and bad things happen to good people. We are so quick to blame God when all he does love us. There are things we just won’t understand in this life. Even with all of this I have not overcome this emotional eating which means a piece of that man wins every time I binge. Why do I let him win after all this time? It needs to stop now.

I have had a man by my side for almost 18 years that is my soulmate and has never given up on me. I have a better relationship with Jesus but it needs work on my part. I have a beautiful, funny 3 year old who is my life. I have wonderful parents and friends who support and love me through it all. So why can’t I let this food addiction go? Why can’t I give up my control to God and allow him to help me? Why do I want to stay fat so men can’t hit on me? The answer is I’m scared!!! This emotional eating is all I know. This is what makes me feel better, at least that’s what I tell myself. It makes me feel better for 5 mins and then the self hatred comes. The shame, guilt, and disgust comes knocking at the door. It’s a vicious cycle. I have had moments in the last 19 years where I lose a bunch of weight and then something happens and I gain it all plus some back. Then the weight just gets higher and higher. My wedding day was motivation for me. I looked and felt great! Lightest I was in years at 175! It didn’t take long for me to gain 20 pounds and neglect the gym that I was religiously going to.  I couldn’t find a job and finances were tight so I kept eating. Gained 50 pounds super quick. I stayed around the 220 range for awhile. I would lose 20 or 30 pounds from time to time and gain it all and more back. It slowly started going over that number that you say you will never go over. In one of those times losing 30 pounds I got pregnant with my daughter when I was around 215. I had a wonderful pregnancy and only gained 30 pounds. I was proud of myself. Excited to breast feed because I heard and seen so many people loose so much weight. But I had a c section because she was breached, throw in a bit of postpartum depression, my husband having to work 80 hours a week, and feeling ravenous after breastfeeding all day long took its toll. I dropped almost the 30 pounds within 4 days of having her but then gained almost 60 pounds in a matter of months. This is the heaviest I have ever been. The most miserable and most depressed. I felt like there was no hope for me. I felt like it was the end and I was doomed to be fat for the rest of my life.

I would watch my 600 Pound Life and be like yup I’m almost half way there. There I am. My destiny. I’ll just continue to eat all the carbs and all the sugary processed crap and tell myself how happy I am. But as my joints get stiffer and stiffer, me getting IBS, constant heartburn, dizzy spells, tingling feet and hands, and not having a normal period I was getting fed up. At 31 this should not be my life. I want another baby and the way I am going ensures Lilly will be the only one I have. The addiction has to end. I believe it was God who intervened for my mom and I. I believe he put this doctor in our path to help us. Give us the tools to save our lives. I believe this time is different. For one it’s costing me a lot of money to go to the doctor since he doesn’t take insurance so I better get something out of it lol. But in all honesty I feel like this time is it. I will get to goal. I will get pregnant with my second child. I will break this food addiction and emotional eating that has haunted me for years. This time I am doing it with God and the help of this doctor. It’s time to move forward in my life, change my way of tying food with emotions, and leave the past behind me. I have so many things to be thankful for. So here am I on day 4 of my lifestyle change and I am down 8 pounds! I have had no heartburn or re flux, no itchy ears, no stomach problems..no anything! I feel great! I am starting to have more energy and feel better about myself. I’m excited to see what a month will do. What will 4 months look like? I want to be the weight I was when I got married or a bit lower. That is my goal. We will have to see but I know I will have God and my loved ones supporting me every step of the way!

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Day 1 Down!

After an agonizing day of fruits and veggies and no pizza or cookies, I did it. Day one down! I m proud of myself. I am a person who despises healthy food and will choose pasta with cream sauce at a restaurant and always have room for a giant dessert that I refuse to share. I always choose cookies over the apple slices. I always binge a bag of chips or box of cheese its while watching Grey’s Anatomy and TWD. This is what I have known for years. Lying to myself that I’m in control. Watching my weight gain creep up on me. Having my depression get worse and worse. But I’m happy right? I got my carbs!!! Wrong! Food will not ever make you happy! It is a vicious cycle! Correction that was me. I am breaking the cycle now!

I started my new lifestyle journey yesterday. I succeeded! Everyday I finish without a carb or sugar is a victory for me. It rings in my ears that this is the 100th time I have tried a “diet” and failed every time. I feel I know its going to be challenging and I know there will be days I want to give up and inhale a cheesecake, but I cant. I need to be here for the people I love. I need to be the best mother I can be. And lets face it, I’m not being the best mother I can be right now. Its a hard truth to admit to myself because I love my daughter more then anything. But I’m killing myself by eating the way I have been. I’m on the track to have diabetes. Thats what my doctor said and my blood sugar numbers don’t lie. Its time. I don’t want my daughter living like this and thinking this way of eating is acceptable. So one day down is my victory.

I’m down 4 pounds as of this morning! Anyone who is reading this…Don’t Give Up! Even if you attempted 100 times, 101 can be your victory!